Narcissistic abuse is a form of psychological abuse that can occur in various types of relationships, such as romantic partnerships, family relationships, or work environments. Narcissistic abuse comes from an individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or people who are high in narcissistic traits. Individuals with NPD have limited empathy and feel superior to others which can lead to them being very harmful and abusive towards others. Narcissistic abuse can be very damaging and difficult to cope with. The sooner you understand its nature of it, you can begin to heal from its destructive effects. The abuse is typically characterized by the narcissist’s need for control and manipulation of the victim’s emotions and behaviors.
What is narcissistic abuse syndrome?
Narcissistic abuse syndrome refers to the negative psychological impacts of receiving narcissistic abuse. It is not a part of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) therefore it can’t be officially diagnosed. Recognizing the symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome in oneself can be difficult because narcissistic abuse is very subtle and makes victims question their reality and the validity of their perceptions. Narcissistic abusers can be extremely self-centered and manipulative. They attempt to manipulate their victims to make them believe that in order to be worthy, their victims need to disregard their own needs and tend to the narcissists’ desires, a process that can gradually make individuals lose their sense of self and identity. Some symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome can include a lack of trust in one self, loss of identity, and development anxiety as a result of having to walk on eggshells and PTSD. The effects of narcissistic abuse on victims can be very destructive.
Narcissistic abuse in relationships can take many forms. Some individuals might experience narcissistic abuse from their parents or they might be involved with a narcissistic partner in a romantic relationship. It could even happen at work, school, or in the context of a friendship. Bella Pahlevan is the founder of Emergence Psychotherapy and a psychotherapist who specializes in narcissism and recovery from narcissistic abuse. In this article, she explains 10 narcissistic abuse signs:
1-Gaslighting
This is a form of emotional manipulation where the narcissist makes the victim doubt their own perceptions and memories. The narcissist may deny things that the victim remembers happening, or they may twist the facts to make themselves look good. Narcissists use gaslighting to gain power and control over somebody’s life. Gaslighting is a manipulation technique in which an inividual tries to make someone believe that their thoughts, perceptions, emotions, or beliefs are invalid or not real. gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that attempts to make the victim feel that they are going crazy and that everything they feel or think is entirely wrong. Research indicates that gaslighting has also been associated with antisocial traits. Individuals who are exposed to gaslighting for it for a long period of time might start to lose their sense of reality and ability to trust themselves.
2-Love-bombing followed by devaluation
love bombing, is characterized by excessive communication when you have just started a romantic relationship. Love-bombing is usually the first step in the narcissistic abuse cycle. Narcissists and psychopathic personalities use love bombing frequently at the onset of a romantic relationship. Examples of this kind of narcissistic abuse may include constant flattery, gift-giving, fake promises, and extreme gestures to show love which will be followed by subsequent devaluation. Devaluation occurs when the narcissist begins to devalue their partner and stop growing closer to them. They start to point out their partner’s shortcomings, continuously bring them down, and attempt to negatively impact their partner’s self-image and self-esteem. Devaluation makes victims feel weak and powerless, and it makes it easier for narcissists to gain control over them.
3-Blaming
The narcissist may blame the victim for their own mistakes or misfortunes, or make the victim feel guilty for things that are not their fault. They may also use the victim as a scapegoat to deflect blame from themselves.
4-Intimidation
The narcissist may use threats, intimidation, or physical violence to control the victim. This can include verbal threats or using physical gestures to make the victim feel afraid.
5-Isolation
a narcissist might not explicitly try to prevent you from spending time with people that are important to you and love you. Instead, they might try to make it seem like those people don’t love you and don’t want the best for you. They might try to create tension between you and your support system in an effort to isolate you from them. They know that if you have other people around you who love and support you they might lose your influence over you so they try different ways to create social isolation. Narcissists can also try to isolate you from your other family members because they’re afraid the truth might be revealed if other people realize what is going on behind closed doors. They are very careful about the fake image they create of themselves and about what information is being exposed to the world. The narcissist may try to isolate the victim from their friends, family, or support network. This can make the victim more dependent on the narcissist and less likely to seek help or support.
6-Manipulation
there are many ways that a narcissistic individual can try to manipulate their victims. They use manipulation to get what they want from a relationship and to make themselves seem good. A narcissistic individual does not feel empathy, the same way that other people do and that makes it easier for them to toy with other people’s emotions to achieve their goals and to receive a narcissistic supply. It is much easier to look at people as objects rather than human beings with emotion when you’re unable to feel the pain and suffering that they cause others. The narcissist may manipulate the victim’s emotions, such as causing them to feel .guilt or fear, to get what they want. They may also use tactics such as flattery or bribery to control the victim.
7-Projection
narcissists, generally lack the ability to be self-aware. And usually, their sense of self and self-worth is conditioned on how other people perceive them, and how much validation they receive from external sources. They tend to blame other people for their own shortcomings and mistakes. Usually, they use projection to get other people to do what they want. They try different strategies to achieve this including attacking their victim’s character, mimicking, the other person’s emotions, or playing the victim. Essentially, it is never their fault if bad things happen and they point the finger at their victim at all times so they can constantly make the other person feel guilty. Especially if you are an empath, their projections of victimhood can impact you deeply, and cause a lot of toxic guilt and shame. The narcissist may project their own negative qualities or behaviors onto the victim, making them feel like they are the problem in the relationship.
8-Jealousy induction
research indicates that narcissists use a manipulation tactic that is known as jealousy induction. The reason to use this manipulation technique is that narcissists seek to achieve more power and control over others so they try to provoke jealousy in their partners by creating love triangles. They can also use this tactic to get revenge on their partner, test their relationships, and make themselves feel better by compensating for their low self-esteem.
9-Malicious envy
we can all experience jealousy and envy at times, but malicious envy is different from benign envy. Narcissistic individuals experience malicious envy and can be motivated to cause harm and destruction to others because of it. Research indicated that malicious envy is associated with dark triad personality traits. Malicious envy is also associated with feelings of entitlement and deservedness. It involves an attempt at pulling other people down to feel better about oneself.
10-Stonewalling
stonewalling is a very destructive communication style that is used by narcissists. Stonewalling is characterized by refusing to communicate and shutting the other person down. It means that they will refuse to listen to how you feel and what you think. The stonewalling can last for hours, days, weeks, or in some cases, even months. Stonewalling is considered a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse. It is also often referred to as the silent treatment. The narcissist can avoid cooperating with you to resolve issues by completely ignoring you, and being dismissive, which can mean that you will be alone, and dealing with the challenges and difficulties of life.
The bottom line
The best treatment for narcissistic personality disorder is considered to be psychotherapy. However, and individuals with narcissistic traits might be resistant to receiving treatment or unable to acknowledge that they need help. If you recognize signs of narcissistic abuse, it’s important you seek help regardless of the narcissistic individual’s validation. They might never choose to seek help but you don’t have to sacrifice your well-being and mental health in an abusive relationship.
